Changing My Ways Never Smelled So Bad

I’ll admit it—I’m way behind the curve on ditching phosphates, glycogens, and all the other unpronounceable chemicals lurking in our daily products. While I’ve swapped out my laundry detergent, dishwasher soap, and cooking oil for healthier alternatives, I had yet to make the leap to natural shampoo and body soap. Why? Because I love the luxurious, bubbly goodness of liquid body wash. It just feels fancy, okay?

Until recently.

My friend highly recommended a brand of bar shampoo and conditioner her family has been using for years. She swore by it, and since she has great hair and isn’t dead yet, I figured it was worth a shot. My daughter and I excitedly browsed their website, picking out scents that sounded like they’d transport us to a blissful, all-natural showering experience. Coconut-vanilla shampoo & silky-smooth conditioner, and fresh lemon body soap. Yes, please!

When our little box of toxin-free goodness arrived, I went all in. I chucked every single bottle of traditional shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in our house, including the eleventy-hundred extra ones I had stashed under the sink. Goodbye, parabens! So long, sulfates! You’ll never poison my pores again!

Disappointment in bar form

And then I took a shower.

The shampoo bar? Surprisingly good! It lathered up way better than expected. The conditioner bar? Made my hair feel smooth and soft. The scent? Celery. Not even a hint of coconut or vanilla. It was more like the aroma that permeates the air when chopping vegetables for soup. 

Slightly concerned but still optimistic, I reached for the lemon body bar. Because, seriously, how can you mess up lemon? Well, apparently, by making it smell like Lemon Pledge. One whiff, and I was instantly transported back to my moody teenage years when my mom would yell at me to be a productive human being and go dust the house and I grudgingly did so while rolling my eyes and muttering under my breath the entire time. The smell of my angsty rebellion. Fantastic.

On the plus side, despite the unfortunate fragrance situation, my hair was clean, my skin was soft, and I wasn’t bathing in chemicals that would poison me or give me cancer so, I decided to simmer down and count it as a win.

That said: 

Dear Online Soap Companies, 

Can we please get some kind of scratch-and-sniff sampler before committing to a scent that we will be stuck with for months? Because I am not thrilled that my head is going to smell like vegetable soup for the foreseeable future.

K, thanks!

Love,

Sarah

xoxo