Chickening is Hard

Oh my gosh, you guys—chickening is way harder than I thought it would be.

Choosing the right feeders and waterers, figuring out the perfect coop ventilation, debating sand vs. the deep litter method—all that stuff? Time-consuming, for sure, but manageable.

It’s the relational side of things that’s breaking my brain.

Like… if my favorite rooster kind of scratches my 7-year-old, does that mean he’s gone bad? Is it time to “dispatch” him and serve him up with dumplings? Or do I give him another chance because he’s otherwise a good rooster—he watches over his ladies, keeps them safe, and maybe… just maybe… he was having a bad day?

Do roosters have bad days? Is that a thing? Should I be running a zero-tolerance policy here, or do we go with a three-strikes-and-you’re-stew approach? I don’t want my daughter to be afraid of the coop, but I’m also not sure Tyson should be dinner just yet.

And then there’s Mavis.

Mavis is the queen bee of the flock, the undisputed mean girl, and honestly? She’s kind of a b-word. She sneaks up behind the other hens and plucks out their tail feathers for fun. I'm not kidding, I've seen her do it multiple times! This doesn’t seem like normal pecking-order enforcement—it feels… sinister.

Can chickens be sinister?! And if so, what do you do with a sinister chicken? Should I give her a little spank on the butt? Squirt her with water like a misbehaving cat? Put her in chicken time-out? Slap some pinless peepers on her (which I really don’t want to do)? It just kills me that I don’t instinctively know the right answer.

WHAT’S THE RIGHT ANSWERRRRR?

And if that wasn’t enough stress, I’m now facing the ultimate challenge of chicken-keeping: merging two flocks.

Chickens, as a rule, hate meeting new friends. Add in the fact that we’ve got four roosters, and this whole thing is shaping up to be less of a gentle introduction and more of a category five hurricane.

With fire tornadoes.

And blood.

I’m not gonna lie.

I’m scared.

Stay tuned.