Learning the Language of Livestock (the Hard Way)

I’m having trouble understanding the language of our livestock. Believe me, I’m trying—but I’m just not getting it. It’s all very frustrating and confusing because I'm receiving mixed signals.

Here are a couple cases in point:

I do not understand yak behavior. Like, at all.

The other day, Jolene and I were in the middle of what I thought was a lovely grooming session. She was letting me brush her (from the other side of the fence, of course), and I was pulling out gobs of fiber from her coat. She looked relaxed, even leaning her head into the fence to let me brush her hump. I genuinely felt like we were bonding.

And then—without any warning—she rammed her head into the fence, bending it directly into my shins like she was launching an attack.

What... what does that mean?!

Were we not just having a moment? Did I miss a cue?

Then there’s Ruby Sue, our mini-ish cow.

I was inside the pasture hunting for fallen yak fluff (a regular hobby of mine), carrying my trusty kayak paddle as usual—just in case anyone decided to get feisty.

I wasn’t nervous. Everything felt chill.

And then Ruby Sue came trotting toward me. (Do cows trot?)

Weird, she never does that.

“Aww,” I thought, “She wants to hang out with me! Maybe we’re finally bonding!”

She stopped about three feet away, so I held out my hand for her to sniff.

She sniffed.

Then I went back to fluff-hunting.

But Ruby Sue kept following me.

Step step step, sniff.

Step step step, sniff.

Was she playing follow-the-leader? Was this cow friendship?

Then she sniffed my outstretched hand once more—and shook her horns at me.

It felt threatening so I took a cautious step back.

She took a step forward.

Sniff, shake horns.

Repeat.

Leave me alone Ruby Sue! I don't know if you want to gore me or be my friend!

I wasn’t about to stick around and find out what came next. I held up my kayak paddle as a warning to her not to cross me and slowly backed my confused self out of the pasture.

Was she looking for affection or lining up a headbutt? I HAVE NO IDEA.

So if you know a Cow Whisperer—bonus points if they also speak yak—please send them my way. I clearly need a translator.