The Ungrateful Strawberries

Homemade strawberry jam made from our own homegrown strawberries — that’s what I was envisioning two years ago when we lovingly constructed the strawberry bed. It was going to be flawless.

We carefully chose the perfect corner of the garden with just the right balance of sun and shade. We gave them plenty of space to stretch out and flourish. The soil? Top-notch. Fortified with organic compost we made ourselves, thank you very much. We even built a protective cage to keep the birds and bunnies out. It was going to be a strawberry sanctuary. Perfection!

Or so I thought.

This morning, I strolled through the garden with coffee in hand, did my usual morning rounds, and stopped by the strawberry bed. And... yeah. Still dead. Like, real dead. Not a single green leaf in sight. What the heck? Come on already. Maybe they were just slow to wake up after winter? I told myself not to worry. They’d come around. Any day now.

Then I went to my friend’s house and nearly choked.

Her strawberries? Not only awake, but thriving. Lush, green and perky, spilling over the borders — like the cover of a gardening magazine. Growing strong and photosynthesizing. They looked mere seconds away from producing bowls full of sweet berries. It felt like a slap in the face.

I’m not going to lie — my feelings were hurt.

How is it that her strawberry patch, planted straight into the dirt with zero fanfare and no protective measures whatsoever, is out here living its best life... while mine is behaving like a surly teenager refusing to get out of bed?

Apparently our strawberries are just jerks!

Seriously. We gave them everything. Carefully curated soil. Sun. Shade. A full security system. Do they even know how much we spent on that planter mix? And how are they repaying us? By sulking. One crusty eye half-open, mumbling profanities at the sunlight, and refusing to be even slightly productive.

It makes me want to stand over their bed and yell,

“Why can’t you be more like Ashley’s strawberries?! They’re up early. They’re achieving. They’re literally about to produce fruit while you're just laying there completely unproductive. We have given you everything! You are so ungrateful! WAKE UPPPPPP!”

I honestly don’t know where we went wrong. Maybe we spoiled them too much. Maybe all our pampering made them soft. Maybe they need tough love. Or a motivational speech. Or to be grounded from compost until they can get their act together.

All I know is, these strawberries are giving me a lot of grief. And I may never make jam — but my emotional gardening meltdowns are on point.

Ashley's green thumb vs. whatever this is